Cone Berry Wild Flowers

With most issues, accurately identifying the problem is the first step toward solving it. And that goes doubly for getting unstuck, since excuses and denial are often a big part of what's holding you back. Following is my proven "Clarify, Simplify & Execute" process for getting unstuck. It's also the underlying methodology for virtually any other work/life challenge you may have.

The Clarify, Simplify & Execute method, CSE for short, is a simple problem-solving matrix into which you can plug any relevant data. The following story will give you an idea of how to use it, although I'm shortcutting the process here to give you the broad overview. You'll have plenty of opportunities to dig deep when you work through the exercises in my book YOU UNSTUCK. I strongly encourage you to put some time and energy into your answers and not just skim over the tools. In fact, I urge you to write out your responses as putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) is a powerful action for unlocking change. And after all, this isn't your high school civics class, this is your life. From my decade of coaching and fifteen years of corporate management before that, I've observed that the folks who are willing to dig in and do the work, from basics to big picture, are the ones who ultimately succeed.

Isn't it time to be in that crowd?

The CSE model was invaluable when I coached a young woman named Amanda as part of a challenge for a women's initiative within a large corporation. A group of participants was chosen from female employees across the country based on the goals and milestones they wanted to achieve: losing weight, finding a romantic partner, overcoming shyness, succeeding in business and more. I was the coach for the group and I especially wanted to help Amanda meet her goal.

She was sweet, thoughtful and disciplined, working at two jobs so she could help support her disabled mother. How could you not want her to succeed? But she had a tough hurdle ahead of her. Amanda was a smoker with a long-term habit that she desperately wanted to break.

Using the CSE process, I asked Amanda to first Clarify her vision of a smoke-free life.

Wrapping your head around a clear vision is a critical starting point because that's when you begin to see what you want as real and attainable. If it's too abstract, distant or unrealistic, you won't feel passionate enough to put in the work needed to reach it. Since smoking is a notoriously difficult addiction to break, this was definitely going to take work.

I suggested Amanda to take a few deep breaths (even if you think that's a cliche, you'll see why it's so important in Chapter 5), close her eyes and picture what her life as a non-smoker would look like. It didn't take her long to paint a vivid image which included the following:

* My hair and clothes will always smell good.

* My mom will be proud of me.

* I'll be able to taste my food.

* My home will smell like flowers instead of smoke.

* I won't be a slave to my habit, ducking out for smoke breaks.

* I'll have so much energy and wind, I can work out again.

* I won't be embarrassed in front of my friends or colleagues.

* I'll feel strong and proud of myself.

8 I can wear beautiful perfume again.

Amanda's vision was so clear that I could practically see, hear, feel and smell the picture she was conjuring for me on the phone. Best of all, she could feel it and just speaking the words out loud, it was clear how much she wanted it. By focusing on the positive rather than the negative, she was envisioning all of the wonderful possibilities that were available to her instead of beating up on herself for being weak.

Next, I asked Amanda to Simplify the most direct route she could think of to becoming a non-smoker. This is where things began to get harder, which is another reason you need that wonderful vision to keep you motivated. Past failures, fears and resistance kicked in as she admitted that nothing had ever really worked for very long. That was my cue to begin to challenge her beliefs, exactly what you'll be learning to do for yourself throughout YOU UNSTUCK. I asked her to tell me all the different things she'd tried, what hadn't worked and what had worked.

After she thought about it, Amanda realized that several things had worked temporarily, including support from friends and a drug prescribed by her physician. I asked why she was no longer relying on those two things, especially since they'd worked, at least on a limited basis. She said gave up on seeking support from other people, because every time she picked up the habit again, she felt like she was letting them down. Eventually, she was just so embarrassed that she couldn't ask for help anymore.

I jumped on her limiting assumption that she couldn't ask for help. You'll hear more about limiting assumptions as we go forward. Those are the conclusions you come to without any evidence, logic or objective data that can limit your ability to get unstuck. I asked Amanda if her assumption was really true. Could she back it up? Had her friends refused to help her? Had she worn out her welcome? Or was she making her own conclusion, writing the end to the story rather than actually experiencing it? If she had imagined the limiting assumption rather than it being real, perhaps there was an opportunity to ask again. To let her friends know that she was taking her challenge so seriously she'd gone public with videos and blogs about her struggle to stop smoking. Amanda reconsidered and said that her true friends would certainly help her, especially when they heard the lengths she was going to finally kick her habit.

I inquired about the second item on her list, the prescription she'd taken to help her stop smoking. She told me that she had tried the drug for a month and cut down her smoking significantly without any major side effects. But when it was time for her second doctor's appointment when she could renew her prescription, she'd simply canceled it. Why? Because she didn't want to take drugs. She'd based her entire conclusion on a major limiting assumption, which had kept her stuck in the smoking habit.

Amanda's flawed logic was so obvious and yet she'd never really seen it. She had come to the conclusion that A) drugs are bad and B) therefore I shouldn't take them. Never mind that the nicotine she'd been pumping into her system for years was far worse than the short-term medication her doctor wanted to prescribe and manage for her. She completely overlooked the damage that smoking was doing to her health and the quality of her life and instead focused on the evils of medication. If you're shocked that Amanda was blind to her limiting assumption, just wait until you begin to challenge your own. You'll see how common it is for us to come to a conclusion, convince ourselves it's the right conclusion then find all sorts of evidence to support that conclusion. It happens all the time.

But now, Amanda had мейд a major shift in her beliefs, the first step to shifting behavior.

Although the Simplify portion of the CSE model may not sound all that simple, the goal is always to find the most direct route to reach your vision. That might include brainstorming, reviewing past failures and successes, eliminating obstacles, getting expert information or doing some research on your own. Once you've got that clear vision and you've simplified the action path, then all you have to do is act.

Finally, Amanda and I discussed the Execute portion of the CSE plan. That is, the specific action steps she'd need to take and how she (or others) would hold her accountable to executing her plan, especially when the going got rough. Amanda's first step would be to call her doctor, as she said, the minute we got off the phone. The next step was to solicit the support of several friends and co-workers she knew she could count on and who wouldn't judge her by her past failures. By changing her beliefs about the possibilities and people available to help her realize her vision, Amanda changed her life. I am proud to report that she is now an energetic, food-tasting, Mom-pleasing, perfume-wearing non-smoker.

Libby Gill is a business coach, brand strategist and bestselling author who works with entrepreneurs and executives to achieve a higher level of success. To learn more about her new book , coaching, speaking and telecourses, or to sign up for her free newsletter, please visit .