Paper Pieced Flowers

"Will she give me a second chance?" might be what you are asking yourself after a break-up that has possibly left you feeling lonely, depressed, angry or confused. You may even feel a sense of panic as you battle to come to terms with the fact that she might never be a part of your life again. This is not what you planned.

If you want to get her back, if you want to turn the clock back and have the same relationship you had before you will need to respond in a way that will make her want you back. She will give you a second chance but only if it is one her terms. Trying to pressure her into taking you back will not work. Desperate attempts by you to make contact may even aggravate the situation.

Don't spend time stalking her. She needs space to think and endless messages from you will simply confirm that her decision was the right one. I hate to say it but you have to think like a woman. Put yourself in her shoes. How would she expect you to react? Remember she has broken up with you or you broke up with her and now want to make amends. Either way she's hurting. She probably expects you to try and call but what if you didn't? What if you gave her the space she needs to work things out? How would she react?

Doing the opposite of what she is expecting could throw her off balance. What if she thought you would simply start going out with someone else and you didn't? Word would soon get to her that you were still 'single'. How would she react? As angry, hurt and confused as you are never say anything bad about her, not even to your best friend because that will get back to her. Say nice things such as you are glad that she is happy because that is what you truly want for her. Someone will tell her.

Try doing something nobody ever does these days. Instead of flowers send her a handwritten note thanking her for what she has done for you and tell her you'd like to have a coffee sometime to thank her personally. If you use this approach make sure you keep your note positive and upbeat, don't mention your relationship and don't mention what it is you want to thank her for - you'll do that over coffee. Just make sure you have something to thank her for when the time comes. It can be anything small. In the letter arrange to meet her at a particular coffee shop over a lunch break. Being a lunch break she knows it can't go beyond that. Make sure the coffee shop is a neutral one that you've never been to with her before. Tell her you'll be there on Tuesday at 12.30 and hope to see her. If she doesn't make it (and she probably won't) don't panic. Send her a note four or five days later saying you're sorry she couldn't make it because you really would have liked to thank her personally.

Keep her interest up without being pushy or demanding. Carry on as if nothing had happened and continue to give her space. You will need space too and you can spend this time reflecting on what has happened.

Put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she would react if you behaved as outlined above? Would it not make her wonder? Make her guess what you are up to?

Whilst you are sitting at home still asking that question "will she give me a second chance?" she'll be sitting at the phone convincing herself you will call. Whoever breaks the silence loses. Be strong and don't give up. When she does call (and she will) just listen to her and do not mention meeting for coffee again. Let her suggest it as this is the real reason for her call. If she asks to meet on the weekend suggest that may not be a good idea - you don't have to give a reason but if she asks you will be out of town or busy.

Make it a valid reason and not something she may dislike. If you tell her you are going to watch the football that is sending the wrong message. Better to say you have arranged to spend the weekend with your parents - that's a much nicer message and she'll probably feel a little left out.

Make another offer to meet her during a lunch break. Keep your phone call positive and neutral and when you meet for that coffee don't linger too long, forty minutes is the absolute maximum. Once you have had the initial connection take it slowly and let things happen naturally and at her pace.

Start romancing her all over again. This time you have the advantage of knowing her likes and dislikes. Use that to your benefit. "Will she give me a second chance?" you asked. Well I think you can see that she will if you act with understanding and empathy. She's the one hurting and you need to heal that wound. It's entirely up to you.

Arnold Kolodziej uses his previous work experience to help people in all walks of life to solve personal problems. If you would like to find a way to get back with your girlfriend visit where you will find more information on how to get back together with your ex. It's worth fighting for isn't it?