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You are a caretaker. You give so much to others. Then, along comes Valentine's Day and-- what? You don't have a special man to give you flowers, candy, a romantic dinner, not even a loving greeting care. Do you feel anger? Grief?

If you are single, Valentine's Day, along with New Years, are the two most hated holidays. Many of my single clients tell me they "hide out" on February 14.

Valentine's Day, though, is not about lovers- it's about love. It has become commercialized for lovers, but it's really a time to connect with people you care about. In the midst of the hearts and flowers that have become associated with this day, the origin of the holiday is lost.

In fact, there is no agreed upon origin. There are numerous stories about the man Valentine and the holiday of love. They range from Roman days to honor the god Lupercus, to Emperor Claudius forbidding marriage, to Pope Gelasium turning a pagan game of romance into a game about saints.

You can choose which version of the origin of the holiday you prefer, in the same way you can choose how to relate to Valentine's Day. Remember when you were in elementary school? Remember the fun you had making Valentine's Days cards? (Okay, you also had some grief worrying if Linda would give you a card, or was Lucy going to get more cards than you.) Back then, there was no thought of romance- there was just the fun of giving. The same for today- there doesn't need to be any thought about romance.

So, you have a choice. This year, February 14 can be a day of shame because you do not love and are not loved by a special man, or you can honor this day by acknowledging those people who make your life better. You spend much of your time taking care of others, making their day better, but now you can give to those who make your day better. This might be the person who cleans your home, your dry cleaner, the person at the front desk at your parents' assisted living home-- or your office.

You can also make the day special by bringing together your single friends. Have a delicious meal, have fun and laugh a lot. And talk about how society does, in fact, have subtle prejudices against singles, especially mid-life single women. Rather than feel depressed and hopeless about this, think of ways you and your friends can work towards making change. Remember, women мейд a major societal shift when they gathered together back in the 70s. There's no reason you can't, now.

Dr. Karen Gail Lewis is founder of Unique Retreats for Single Women, weekends bringing small groups of women together to shift their thinking about being single in a society prejudiced against single women. She's a marriage and family therapist, author of With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives and other books about single and married women. Join her for a FREE teleseminar on Unspoken Truths About Being Single in a Married World. Register at