#1 Any friendships you feel funny about
When you voice your concern about a friendship that just seems to close, you are probably not convinced if your spouse tries to assure you by saying, "I'm telling you, we're just friends." Seems to you that they are trying to deny something instead of affirming you. Just know that your gut may be right on because many people who think of themselves as just friends are becoming lovers. Really trust your gut on this one, if you have a horrible sinking feeling about a relationship, dig until you find the truth your looking for.
Trust your gut. Even if this is a long time friend who teaches a religion class, donates blood, visits the folks at the assisted living center, and sits in the same church pew with you and your husband week after week. Any close friendship can turn into an affair and our guts usually tell us when something is "off" even if for the past 20 years things between the two of them have always been platonic.
#2 Change in personal habits
When day-to-day behavior may changes. They may lose interest in work projects at home. If you question their lack of interest in the work projects at home they may become evasive or refuse discuss the details.
They may change their style of dress, more like you would see in single's bars. They will change the style of their hair to a more "now" look. May even shower more often. You may find they are buying themselves new sexy underwear. Primping when getting ready for work when they never did before. Suddenly wanting to lose weight, joining a gym or getting into fitness at home. Shows sudden interest in different type of music. When they arrive home and head straight into the shower or bath. When they become suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him/her everything several times- their thoughts are obviously elsewhere. They rush to get the mail before you do. They get a separate P.O. Box with a lame or weird excuse as to why they need it.
You may also notice some things about their vehicle, like when the passenger seat in the car has been changed and is not in the usual position or the mileage on the car is more than usual. Also increased gas purchases that are inconsistent with the amount of miles on the car. When they begin to keep a change of clothes hidden in the trunk of the car or an unusual amount of clothes changes at the gym. Taking child seat out of the car for no particular reason. You can also write down the mileage and see if there is an increase in the mileage that shouldn't be there.
When they suddenly need a cell phone or pager and you are discouraged from ever looking at it or using it. They also may make certain their cell phone or pager cannot be answered by you by hiding it or taking it with them wherever they go. They are secretive about their cell phone or pager bill and pay it themselves when you have always paid the bill in the past.
Your spouse will spend more time on the computer than with the family. This increased use of the computer may extend late into the night, while you are sleeping. If you look to see what they are doing online, they may use the "quick click," from one screen to another, to keep you from seeing what websites or chat rooms they are visiting. They end up telling you they need for privacy while online. Sometimes you can tell if your spouse is cheating by reading email messages.
There are ways to spy on the computer your spouse is using. You can do a Гугл search of free key stroke loggers and place one on the computer. This logs every key stroke they make on the computer. This is a good way to get email passwords to email accounts you never knew even existed.
There is also Гугл Desktop that you can install for free and this helps you search the entire computer and gives you screen shots of places they have been. You can search your computer as easily as you search the web.
#3 New hobbies and/or interests
A sudden or new activity that has nothing to do with you. This activity is most likely something that takes them away from home for hours at a time. They seem very involved with this activity almost to an obsession. If you're worried this hobby of theirs may be bogus then I would suggest trying to follow them. You could borrow some else's car they wouldn't recognize and find out where they really are going.
This could be a place where they will try to hide some of the missing money from your household. They could say their hobby takes money like being on some kind of league that they have to pay weekly for like bowling or pool.
#4 Change in work habits
You'll notice that they will be spending longer hours at work, new projects that may go late into the night. New never heard of before weekend conferences. You may find that when giving the why's of these new "projects" they are overly detailed accounts. May all of a sudden come home with a new "work only" cell phone that you can't have access too. Suddenly keeping you away from their work or their office. Not being invited to work functions. With affairs between co-workers fast becoming the most prevalent type of affair.
#5 Gifts from another person
They may come home with new books, new homemade music CD's, little stuff they can explain as something they pick up for themselves but have never done so before. Maybe even new jewelry, key chains, money clips, etc. This topic is covered a lot of those Other Woman Boards. They like to discuss what to buy their Married Men so that the wife doesn't suspect anything.
#6 Privacy
Suddenly taking phone calls privately, staying up late so they can use the computer in private, having their phone on them at all times or locked away in their car. Keeps car locked now when they never did before. They do not answer their cell phone when with you, but let it go to voice mail then pick up the message.
They may ask you about your activities when you've been away from home, but they won't discuss their own, even when asked. They may begin to spend less time with the family and they are away from home more often, they may even refuse to discuss why they are distancing themselves from you or children.
#7 Interaction with spouse
You may notice they are angrier towards you. That they are suddenly picking fights so they can storm out of the house for a few hours. They act like they want to be alone, and they don't want to talk to you any more, or be touched by you anymore. May have a more increased sexual appetite, and tries new techniques. Or may notice they don't want sex with you anymore. Less spontaneous affection, may no longer kiss romantically. May push you out of hugs you try to give. They may start accusing you of not trusting them. Making you feel a bit "crazy" for feeling this way.
It has also been found that the most predictive emotional cue of sexual or emotional infidelity is no longer saying "I Love You". Have you noticed your spouse no longer saying these words unless you have stated them first? Or when you do say "I Love You" they come back with, "I know", "Uh-uh", "Same here", "Me too" or something to this effect when they used to always tell you that they loved you too?
When you notice that your partner loses their ability and desire to show the children the attention they need or a lack of desire to do any fix-ups around the house, e.g., lawn care, painting, cleaning the garage, house repairs, etc. They might turn this around on you at the same time and accuse you of never doing anything or treating the child/children badly.
#8 Social Life
They may have a new set of friends that are only theirs and not both of yours. They are going out more without you. They are no longer taking you to social gatherings you both used to attend. Avoiding and trying to get out of outings you both used to go to together like, birthday parties, graduation parties, dancing, school outings, etc.
#9 Money
All of a sudden they are keeping their money a secret. They are no longer open with the checkbook, bank statements, and credit card bills. You may find money spent on hotels, restaurants, flowers, jewelry, things to make themselves look better like spas, salons, clothing stores etc. You may notice an increase in ATM withdrawals. Cheating costs money!
#10 Just feeling suspicious
Just having that gut feeling that something just isn't right is a HUGE red flag. Please don't ignore this sign. I did because I just couldn't believe my husband would EVER do this too me. He just isn't the type to have an affair. I'm telling you EVERYONE is the type to have an affair. Even if your husband is a Pastor of your church, they can still get caught up in an affair. If your gut is telling you that something is up, please look into it.
Marsha Rozalski
To read more about the daily devotions for the betrayed spouse please visit
To learn more about Marsha and her work on recovering from infidelity, please visit
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