Breakfast Flower Mound

The first phase of a 'real' relationship is called 'Symbiosis or Exclusive Bonding'. You arrive at a dance, your eyes lock in on someone across the other side of the room and you know that this is the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life. It is 'love at first sight' and it is the stuff that so many great films and books have been based on.

It is where two individuals suddenly submerge themselves in their connection to each other and all you can think of twenty-four hours a day is that person. You just can't stand to be apart even for a moment. Your work suffers. Your social life suffers. You just aren't interested in anything unless it involves her, or him. You would do anything to spend time with that person, even go to the football or ballet, events that might otherwise be totally distasteful, or that never interested you in the past. These events might suddenly take on a whole new meaning because now it involves someone you love.

We sometimes call this stage the 'honeymoon period'. A time when you experience such a strong attachment to another person, that it seems that you could no longer continue to exist if you were to be separated. The thrill of giving and receiving from that special someone exceeds anything you could ever imagine. This might even be something as simple as a flower picked from the field, or from a neighbor's garden, which for now at least becomes the most endearing of gestures.

The boundaries of who you were as individuals, not so long ago, becomes foggy as you make the 'two of us' the primary reason for being as you now want to spend every waking moment of every day with that person. During this phase differences are often ignored and similarities accentuated to help justify your growing belief that this just has to be 'Mr' or 'Mrs Right' or undeniably 'My Soul Mate'. You see only the best parts of each other and experience 'blind love', unconditional in your willingness to give everything you have and everything you are to this person.

And this is as it should be. It's actually a trick of nature to ensure the survival of our species. If we were confronted with all the grubby bits up front, then we might not pursue the relationship any further. But if we see only the great stuff then by the time we see the other not-so-great stuff, it's already too late. We are HOOKED!!

The sad thing about this stage however is that it cannot last- as we desperately try to hold on to it we realize that our individualism is being overshadowed by ourselves as a 'couple' and it simply cannot stay this way. If we attempt to make it stay this way we simply run the risk of 'never getting out of bed again'. And then where would we be? No work would be done and the cooking and cleaning would never get attended to. Ultimately the world would simply come to a standstill.

The Principle Tasks of this Stage:

One way or another we move on to the next stage of relationships. However in order for the way to be cleared for the next stage, we have a number of tasks to complete. For this first stage of relationship development, the principal task is for couples to simply enjoy their time together. It is about creating a strong bond between you that will stand you in good stead in the future. As well, the other task of this stage relates to discovering and strengthening shared values and areas of compatibility.

Therefore enjoy this time together, the next stage, the stage of disillusionment will come soon enough. I would also like to acknowledge Ellen Bader and Peter Pearson for their contribution to the development of this theory and from whom I have personally learnt so much about relationships.

Lidy Seysener

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counselling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

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